Fred Allen
A fool and his money are soon parted, but nobody can part a two-dollar toupée.
James Thurber
Don't count your boobies until they are hatched.
Carol Leifer
He tricked me into marrying him. He told me I was pregnant.
Joe E. Lewis
Show me a man with both feet on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't put his pants on.
Tommy Sledge
I was in a convenience store. Somebody has blown a hole through every one of the Cheerios. They think it was a cereal killer.
Herb Sargent
A fool has no business inside a balloon.
John Kenneth Gailbraith
Trickle down theory: the less than elegant metaphor that if one feeds the horse enough oats, some will pass through to the road for the sparrows.
Keith Waterhouse
I wonder what it’s like to be a tortoise. You can’t be frivolous or facetious if you’re a tortoise, can you?… But you do have a home to go to.
Leonard Cohen
If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash.
